Morris Men Menace at the Maypole

 THE PYZ & DISTRICT BUGLE

"Serving the District Since Tuesday"
Social & Scandal Supplement
Issue No. 1728b

“Morris Men Menace at the Maypole”
By Mrs. Mavis Tiddle (Sociel Columnist & Amateur Florist)

WELL, what a turn up for the bookes this Sataday gone, when the MERRIE GHOOST MORRIS MEN (not to be confuse with them from Slurry-Under-Hinge) did performe there anual "Dance of the Twisted Loaf" on the Green behind Mrs Simpkins’ shed what smells of varnish.

This years event was made all the more memerable by the apperance of Big Ron Stoat wearing what can only be describbed as "half a badger", and the gaffer's hat what someone did nick from the vicarage dustbin. Several small childeren was sent home in tears, one claiming to have seen "the face of Old Mr Pottle in the loaf", which was later proven to be a raisin.

The men (and one unconvinsingly disguised lady) cavorted round the Maypole, what had come out of storage only that very morning, covered in what looked like sparrow droppings and a single, sad underpant. At one point, the ribbons becum so badly tangled that the whole troupe collapst into a human pile, like a lumpy blancmange, only smellier.

Refreshments was provided by Mrs Crumbly’s Suspicious Pasties and Ned Prong’s Mobile Chutney Cart. It was noted that the pasties tasted strongly of mothballs, tho Ned's chutney was "passable" if you don't mind bits of gravel.

There was also a Folk Band, calling themselves The Tumbling Weevils, who played such old favourites as The Hairy Mole of Thrapston Chase and Who Put the Stoat in Grandmother’s Trousers? on a broken concertina and what might of been a door hinge.

A mild incident did occurr when Mr Fegglestone's ferret, Captain Nibbles, escaped and caused a kerfuffel amongst the childeren, one of which was later found up a tree shouting "I seen it! It’s got the Devil’s Eyes!"

All in all a splendid day, barring the injuries, and no worse than last year when the Maypole caught fire.

Yours,
Mrs. Mavis Tiddle
Societyl Columnist & Keeper of the Egg Cup Collection